The one major difference between my parents and me as a parent is- they never fought in front of their kids. This is a major confession I am making here it on this platform. And here is the story of how I stopped doing that.
It’s quite natural to get into arguments with your spouse that at times flare up so badly that you wished you hadn’t started the conversation in the first place. And that too in front of your kids! Arguing and fighting in front of kids is considered to be the worst type of parenting I’ve known.
So basically, kids look up to their parents in very way. They want to be like you. They want to dress up like you; talk and walk like you and also copy you in their own little cutest ways. So what happens when they see you both (read both) shouting and arguing with each other? They copy that too. Trust me the aggression passes on to them so quickly that there is no way you can take that back.
*“Shouting is wrong, be polite”* is what most of us teach our kids. Are we following what we preach with the closest relationships in our homes?
Here are some tips, me and my husband invented to deal with this.
We did not fight. We negotiated. It is very important for the kids to understand that there many chances of having difference of opinions between two individuals and the best way to sort it out is to communicate. Avoid shouting. In fact, keep your volume low than your usual tones while having THE conversation.
What kids need to understand that shouting and arguing is not ok, but solving out differences is mandatory and it can only be done in a peaceful manner.
Fighting in front of kids has many negative effects. It makes them aggressive which may be exhibited in school or at the playground. It also raises their anxiety level and lowers the confidence levels.
They become too emotional and are unable to make new friends or even trust their relationships as they feel all relationships end up fighting like their mom and dad.
The best way to avoid a fight in front of your kids is by withdrawing participation. Use silence as the key and wait till they leave the room. Use words that are helpful in calming down your spouse that also your child understands; like “I know that is upsetting” or “I am sorry this is happening” “ and the best is “I don’t want to fight with you”.
We are the first role models of our kids. They look up to us and admire us in every way. Don’t ruin your own image in front of your children by fighting and teaching them ways to adapt such behaviors.
Just remember parents, anything that needs to be said can be said with kindness including disapproval, disappointment- everything can be handled better with kindness and patience.
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